The Moment: Like Butterflies

I hugged him tight whilst calculating the seconds we heard each other's heartbeat, and the pressure exerted by his arms on my back.

So many times I folded my arms around his neck, felt the warmth oozing from his masculine physique, imbued with the familiar scent of sweat.

After letting him go, with a smile I said the usual, "Take care."

A wave, some seconds spent on holding each other's eyes, I turn my head.

The smile vanished. Was it artificial? I'm so used to acting I can't distinguish which are my real emotions.

My hand automatically, like a robotic gesture, formed a fist on my chest, where I felt my beating heart. It came like a wall of water, moving so fast from my heart straight to my throat, as if to force me to collapse into shards of glass.

Nothing.

There wasn't the icy sensation gliding down my cheeks like how I anticipated. Still choked at the end of my throat was a pain. So mild I couldn't describe it, so excruciating I couldn't stand it.

Loss. Forlorn.

Empty was a part near the core. And I let it fluttered away, never to return, like butterflies. Their gossamer wings dissolved into the rainbows of my yesterdays, like ashes into the Ganges.

Back to where they belong.